I believe that negative-self-talk plays several prominent roles in addictive and compulsive behaviors. Firstly, the addictive behavior can be an effort to quiet the inner critic. Reaching for a drink, a cigarette, a quart of ice cream or compulsively shopping can all be distractions from your life and from the inner turmoil of excessive negative self-talk. The substance, or action, of choice is used to numb against uncomfortable feelings and thoughts and to shut out those critical messages that a person may carry with them. Similarly, many people with addictions find that the urge to use is often strongest when alone because that is when their negative self-talk is loudest. There are no other people or distractions to occupy their attention, so they must listen to themselves.

Secondly, negative self-talk can contribute to urges to drink, eat or use their “drug” of choice. Just as we can talk ourselves into feeling angry, scared or guilty, we can talk ourselves into “having just one more cigarette” or “I blew my diet already, so I might as well keep eating” or “really, my drinking is not a problem. I can stop any time.” Our negative self-talk can be used to justify our behavior or to blame others for our unhealthy choices.

Just as negative self-talk can be used to support addictive and compulsive behaviors, positive self-talk, or our inner cheerleader, can be used to talk ourselves out of a relapse or help us not follow through with our urges to use. Positive self-talk can be effective in encouraging ourselves to make different and healthier choices. We can use it to move through our uncomfortable feelings that may be contributing to our addiction. We can counteract our persistent negative messages with positive affirmations that support us in seeing ourselves as competent, capable and worthwhile people.

Think of the last time that you used or abused your “drug” of choice, whether it be shopping, alcohol, drugs, food, cleaning, relationship, gambling or… What happened just prior to your urge to use? What were you feeling? What were you thinking or saying to yourself in your head?

How did you talk yourself in to following through with your urge? What did you say to yourself that made it okay to relapse or use? How did you convince yourself? If you didn’t use, how did you talk yourself out of giving in to your urge?

Which of your patterns of negative self-talk contribute most to maintaining your addiction or compulsive behavior? How might you go about changing or reframing these statements into supportive and self-enhancing self-talk?