Barbara Small
Your No-Nonsense Coach
BLOG.BARBSMALLCOACHING.COM
Hawaiian Rules to Live By
Never judge a day by the weather.
The best things in life aren't things.
Tell the truth - there's less to remember.
Speak softly and wear a loud shirt.
Goals are deceptive - the unaimed arrow never misses.
He who dies with the most toys - still dies.
Age is relative - when you're over the hill, you pick up speed.
There are 2 ways to be rich - make more or desire less.
Beauty is internal - looks mean nothing.
No Rain - No Rainbows.
By Aunty Mona Kahele
Improve your Physical and Emotional Well-being
Hello,
I just wanted to let you know about this new nutritional supplement that I have discovered from livethesource. I have been very impressed by the impact it has had on both my physical and emotional well-being.
I am very interested in natural and complementary health and am always on the look out for new and better products. I am also the first person to be sceptical of anyone wanting me to buy anything.
That said, in May I was told about a presentation for a new nutritional supplement and actually decided to go to the talk. I think it might have been because I was feeling really tired, achy and stiff that day and I thought, “What have I got to lose”.
Well I ended up buying some of the dailysource Multi-vitamin, Mineral and Herbal Supplement that night to try it out. I was intrigued by the science behind the formulation of the product and the testimonials from other users in the room. I also liked the positive energy from the company founder and the distributors giving the presentation.
The dailysource Multi-vitamin, Mineral and Herbal Supplement is an all-natural product made from 100% food grade ingredients so that it is easily recognized and absorbed by the body. It is produced using a nano-technology which creates nano-encapsulated vitamins and minerals that feed your body at a cellular level. It is easily ingested into your cells and does not need to be digested. It helps to nourish your body and create balance so that your body is then better able to naturally heal itself of any imbalances. Dailysource also works on a preventative level as each time your cells replicate, they replicate into healthier cells.
So even though I sat there sceptically listening, I was impressed and intrigued:
I wanted to share this information and my experience with you. If you would like more information, I invite you to visit www.livethesource.com .
If you are interested in trying these products yourself or have any questions, please give me a call at 250-361-3439 or email me at barbsmall@shaw.ca. The products are only available for purchase through a livethesource distributor/sponsor like me or through www.livethesource.com .
The dailysourcetm Multi-vitamin, Mineral and Herbal Supplement retails for $48/bottle which lasts one month (that’s less that $2.00/day) and a month’s supply of the Vitamin D3 Booster is $40.
Thanks.
Barb Small
Distributor/Sponsor #4001388
I just wanted to let you know about this new nutritional supplement that I have discovered from livethesource. I have been very impressed by the impact it has had on both my physical and emotional well-being.
I am very interested in natural and complementary health and am always on the look out for new and better products. I am also the first person to be sceptical of anyone wanting me to buy anything.
That said, in May I was told about a presentation for a new nutritional supplement and actually decided to go to the talk. I think it might have been because I was feeling really tired, achy and stiff that day and I thought, “What have I got to lose”.
Well I ended up buying some of the dailysource Multi-vitamin, Mineral and Herbal Supplement that night to try it out. I was intrigued by the science behind the formulation of the product and the testimonials from other users in the room. I also liked the positive energy from the company founder and the distributors giving the presentation.
The dailysource Multi-vitamin, Mineral and Herbal Supplement is an all-natural product made from 100% food grade ingredients so that it is easily recognized and absorbed by the body. It is produced using a nano-technology which creates nano-encapsulated vitamins and minerals that feed your body at a cellular level. It is easily ingested into your cells and does not need to be digested. It helps to nourish your body and create balance so that your body is then better able to naturally heal itself of any imbalances. Dailysource also works on a preventative level as each time your cells replicate, they replicate into healthier cells.
So even though I sat there sceptically listening, I was impressed and intrigued:
- With the science behind the product formulation
- That the product is 100% natural and made from food
- That it helps your body to become more balanced so that your body can then do what it is meant to do naturally - which is heal itself
- That only 10% of most vitamin capsules are absorbed by your body while the nano-technology used to produce this product allows for much quicker and more efficient absorption directly into your cells
- With the cost effectiveness and convenience of taking only one product
- By the testimonials of the people in the room who were already using the product
- became an annualized multi-million dollar company within the first 4 months
- I was sleeping much better and waking up feeling much more rested
- I had more energy during the day and noticed myself just naturally doing more rather than being so exhausted that I just wanted to sit on the couch
- Both my knees that were almost constantly burning were noticeably less painful
- Overall all my muscles and joints were less achy
- Although I hadn’t lost any weight according to the scale, I noticed my clothes were a lot looser around my stomach
- I noticed an improvement in my digestion as well
- I’ve suffered from chronic congestion in my nose and throat for as long as I can remember and there was a clear improvement in this as well
- Emotionally I felt a lot less stressed and responded much more calmly and was less reactive to ongoing stressful situations. They just didn’t seem to be such an issue anymore
- Most of these changes tended to happen subtly and I noticed them retroactively when I realized that I just wasn’t feeling or behaving a certain way anymore.
I wanted to share this information and my experience with you. If you would like more information, I invite you to visit www.livethesource.com .
If you are interested in trying these products yourself or have any questions, please give me a call at 250-361-3439 or email me at barbsmall@shaw.ca. The products are only available for purchase through a livethesource distributor/sponsor like me or through www.livethesource.com .
The dailysourcetm Multi-vitamin, Mineral and Herbal Supplement retails for $48/bottle which lasts one month (that’s less that $2.00/day) and a month’s supply of the Vitamin D3 Booster is $40.
Thanks.
Barb Small
Distributor/Sponsor #4001388
What is YOUR one key step to Personal Wellness?
Several years ago I interviewed Dr. Lara Lauzon about how to create wellness and balance in our lives. Some of the ideas she shared with me then have stuck with me to this day.
The one that stayed with me the most was finding your one key ingredient for wellness. She suggested creating an individual wellness plan that fits in with your own unique lifestyle and interests. No one activity or change is going to work for everyone. Lara comes from a strong physical activity background so for her physical activity is a baseline for well-being. “If I am not active on a regular basis I get grumpy.”
We all have one thing that makes us well. This activity energizes us and when we are involved in it we are more motivated to take care of ourselves in other ways. When we don’t have time to do a lot to keep us well, making time for this one activity can impact all areas of our lives. We will be a better mother, son, wife, husband, employee or friend. For some people it will be physical exercise, for others gardening, music, reading or painting. What makes you well?
Well-being also includes connecting with others and asking for help when needed. Lara was raised to be very independent and had to learn that “you don’t always have to do everything by yourself. Working with others can help you stay well. If you are so independent you’re trying to do everything on your own, you can easily get burnt out.” How might you connect more with others?
Little bits of self-care along the way is a much better plan for living well then that crash course in wellness when you are so exhausted that it is difficult to even start. Wellness does not mean that you won’t ever feel stressed or tired. You’re not going to exercise and eat healthy every day. It is about embracing this as a lifestyle. We’ll always have our peaks and valleys. You may get off track, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get back on track and ensure you spend even a small amount of time on the one thing that makes you well.
The one that stayed with me the most was finding your one key ingredient for wellness. She suggested creating an individual wellness plan that fits in with your own unique lifestyle and interests. No one activity or change is going to work for everyone. Lara comes from a strong physical activity background so for her physical activity is a baseline for well-being. “If I am not active on a regular basis I get grumpy.”
We all have one thing that makes us well. This activity energizes us and when we are involved in it we are more motivated to take care of ourselves in other ways. When we don’t have time to do a lot to keep us well, making time for this one activity can impact all areas of our lives. We will be a better mother, son, wife, husband, employee or friend. For some people it will be physical exercise, for others gardening, music, reading or painting. What makes you well?
Well-being also includes connecting with others and asking for help when needed. Lara was raised to be very independent and had to learn that “you don’t always have to do everything by yourself. Working with others can help you stay well. If you are so independent you’re trying to do everything on your own, you can easily get burnt out.” How might you connect more with others?
Little bits of self-care along the way is a much better plan for living well then that crash course in wellness when you are so exhausted that it is difficult to even start. Wellness does not mean that you won’t ever feel stressed or tired. You’re not going to exercise and eat healthy every day. It is about embracing this as a lifestyle. We’ll always have our peaks and valleys. You may get off track, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get back on track and ensure you spend even a small amount of time on the one thing that makes you well.
Why Can Asking for Help Be So Difficult?
Why is it so hard to ask for help? Despite the fact that we may be overwhelmed with responsibility or are unsure about what we need to do next, many of us do not ask for help or reject help when it is offered.
Asking for help is often hard because we don’t know what our needs are, we are fearful of being a bother, or we feel guilty that we are not able to do it all ourselves. Beliefs such as “no one can do this as well as I can,” or “no one should do this but me” can also be obstacles to asking for help. It’s true. No one will do something exactly the same as you, but that does not mean that they cannot be helpful in their own way.
Recognize that asking for help is a sign of strength and not weakness. It means you have an awareness of your situation and have come up with a proactive problem-solving approach to making things easier. Asking for help is a sign of strength because it is an acknowledgment of the challenges of the situation. It is a sign of strength because it requires putting your pride aside and acting in the best interest of everyone involved.
You first need to admit that having some help will make a real difference. You need to define what help you need. Which tasks would be the easiest to ask others to do? Which do you really want to do yourself? And which, if any, can you afford to pay others to do?
Discuss your needs with others who might be willing to lend a hand. They may want to help but don’t always know how or when to intervene. Don't be afraid to say "Yes" if someone offers to help. Have a list of errands or tasks you need help with. Focus on each person’s strength. Some may be better at listening while others may be better able to help with errands.
Asking for help is often hard because we don’t know what our needs are, we are fearful of being a bother, or we feel guilty that we are not able to do it all ourselves. Beliefs such as “no one can do this as well as I can,” or “no one should do this but me” can also be obstacles to asking for help. It’s true. No one will do something exactly the same as you, but that does not mean that they cannot be helpful in their own way.
Recognize that asking for help is a sign of strength and not weakness. It means you have an awareness of your situation and have come up with a proactive problem-solving approach to making things easier. Asking for help is a sign of strength because it is an acknowledgment of the challenges of the situation. It is a sign of strength because it requires putting your pride aside and acting in the best interest of everyone involved.
You first need to admit that having some help will make a real difference. You need to define what help you need. Which tasks would be the easiest to ask others to do? Which do you really want to do yourself? And which, if any, can you afford to pay others to do?
Discuss your needs with others who might be willing to lend a hand. They may want to help but don’t always know how or when to intervene. Don't be afraid to say "Yes" if someone offers to help. Have a list of errands or tasks you need help with. Focus on each person’s strength. Some may be better at listening while others may be better able to help with errands.
Family Dynamics During an Illness in the Family
Dealing with significant illness and health concerns in a family can bring out the best and the worst in everyone involved. People can come together to support each other or the stress can lead to frustration and conflict between family members.
Past family dynamics and family roles often re-surface. All those old issues and unresolved tensions that you thought you had resolved can often re-emerge.
It is important to keep in mind that everyone will respond to the situation in their own unique way. Frustration can occur if you expect everyone else to feel or act the same as you. Everyone in the family comes with a different history within the family, a different relationship with the person who is ill and a different comfort level with illness and the associated emotions.
Past family dynamics and family roles often re-surface. All those old issues and unresolved tensions that you thought you had resolved can often re-emerge.
It is important to keep in mind that everyone will respond to the situation in their own unique way. Frustration can occur if you expect everyone else to feel or act the same as you. Everyone in the family comes with a different history within the family, a different relationship with the person who is ill and a different comfort level with illness and the associated emotions.
Coping With the Ongoing Losses Associated with an Illness in the Family
Although we expect to grieve when someone dies or is diagnosed with a terminal illness, we may not expect the recurring grief we can experience throughout the time we care for someone. Facing ongoing loss is one of the many challenges that we encounter as we adjust to changes in our health or a family member’s health. With each change, we can experience feelings of loss. Each loss requires mourning.
Depending on the specifics of your illness or your family member’s illness, you may be struggling with one or more of the following losses:
• Independence
• Privacy
• Hopes and dreams for the future
• Financial security
• Changes in the relationship
• Your social life
• Your job
• Your home
Your grief can manifest itself in many ways including guilt, anxiety, helplessness, irritability, anger or frustration. It is important that you deal with these emotions as they occur rather than allowing the grief to build.
In addition, a chronically ill person may also have to cope with facing the fear of more ongoing loss. Changing roles in family, work and social situations that result from a person’s illness can create additional adjustment problems for everyone involved.
Some steps for coping with illness related loss include:
• Recognizing and talking about your feelings. Good friends, family members, or local religious organizations can be good sources of support. Reach out to others to help reduce feelings of isolation.
• Joining a support group.
• Honouring your memories of what used to be while you acknowledge how things are now and what is still possible.
• Writing down your feelings. Writing or journaling is not for everyone. For individuals who enjoy writing, it can be a wonderful way to express feelings of loss and grief.
• Reading a book on coping with grief and loss.
• Making time for yourself. Do what works for you. You may want to garden, read, go for a walk or visit with others.
• Asking for help when needed.
Depending on the specifics of your illness or your family member’s illness, you may be struggling with one or more of the following losses:
• Independence
• Privacy
• Hopes and dreams for the future
• Financial security
• Changes in the relationship
• Your social life
• Your job
• Your home
Your grief can manifest itself in many ways including guilt, anxiety, helplessness, irritability, anger or frustration. It is important that you deal with these emotions as they occur rather than allowing the grief to build.
In addition, a chronically ill person may also have to cope with facing the fear of more ongoing loss. Changing roles in family, work and social situations that result from a person’s illness can create additional adjustment problems for everyone involved.
Some steps for coping with illness related loss include:
• Recognizing and talking about your feelings. Good friends, family members, or local religious organizations can be good sources of support. Reach out to others to help reduce feelings of isolation.
• Joining a support group.
• Honouring your memories of what used to be while you acknowledge how things are now and what is still possible.
• Writing down your feelings. Writing or journaling is not for everyone. For individuals who enjoy writing, it can be a wonderful way to express feelings of loss and grief.
• Reading a book on coping with grief and loss.
• Making time for yourself. Do what works for you. You may want to garden, read, go for a walk or visit with others.
• Asking for help when needed.
Communicating with Healthcare Providers
Good communication is the foundation of building a working partnership. Communication takes time, effort and a willingness to work out differences together. When communicating with healthcare providers, being assertive is more helpful than being non-assertive. Not coming right out and asking for what you need, hinting or hoping the other person will read your mind wastes both your time and the healthcare provider’s time. By “beating around the bush”, needs do not get addressed and messages do not get properly conveyed.
When being assertive you express your feelings or opinion and make requests directly. You learn to ask rather than assume or guess. This can lead to improved care as wants and needs are more clearly presented and understood. Make your requests clear and concise. If you then need more information, you can follow-up with additional questions. When trying to determine what information needs to be conveyed, consider the following:
• What information do the various healthcare providers need to know about you?
• What do you need to know about “who does what” on the healthcare team?
• What questions do you have about the treatment that you are receiving?
Prepare a list of questions to ask the doctor, or information you want to give them. Clarify any instructions. If you are not sure that you understand, ask again until you get a satisfactory response. Use phrases such as “you mean that…”, “in other words…” or “does that mean…” If you don’t know the meaning of technical words used, ask. It also helps to set an agenda for these discussions. You will save time and you won’t be distracted trying to remember what you want to ask. Take a notebook to write down key points.
If you need information or have questions, don’t wait for the health care provider to contact you. Be proactive and give them a call, then follow-up if you don’t hear back from them. Keep in mind that although your health may be your number one priority, your doctor or healthcare provider has many other clients who are also demanding their attention. In reality you are simply one of many. It is important to be assertive and initiate discussions to ensure we obtain the information that we need. Be your own advocate.
When being assertive you express your feelings or opinion and make requests directly. You learn to ask rather than assume or guess. This can lead to improved care as wants and needs are more clearly presented and understood. Make your requests clear and concise. If you then need more information, you can follow-up with additional questions. When trying to determine what information needs to be conveyed, consider the following:
• What information do the various healthcare providers need to know about you?
• What do you need to know about “who does what” on the healthcare team?
• What questions do you have about the treatment that you are receiving?
Prepare a list of questions to ask the doctor, or information you want to give them. Clarify any instructions. If you are not sure that you understand, ask again until you get a satisfactory response. Use phrases such as “you mean that…”, “in other words…” or “does that mean…” If you don’t know the meaning of technical words used, ask. It also helps to set an agenda for these discussions. You will save time and you won’t be distracted trying to remember what you want to ask. Take a notebook to write down key points.
If you need information or have questions, don’t wait for the health care provider to contact you. Be proactive and give them a call, then follow-up if you don’t hear back from them. Keep in mind that although your health may be your number one priority, your doctor or healthcare provider has many other clients who are also demanding their attention. In reality you are simply one of many. It is important to be assertive and initiate discussions to ensure we obtain the information that we need. Be your own advocate.
Impact of Body Positioning in Effective Communication
Our communication is also impacted by whether we are sitting or standing in relation to the other person. When you stand over someone who is sitting, the other person can feel intimidated or threatened. The standing person can feel more powerful and in control. It is a similar behavior as seen in other animals where the dominant animal stands over the more submissive animal.
The situation of one of my clients reflects this idea very well. She was in a verbally abusive relationship with her husband. The only time that he got madat her and was verbally abusive was when she was lying in and he was standing over her or when she was sitting on the couch and he was once again towering over her. Eventually, she realized that if she simply stood up when he started yelling, it shifted the dynamics immediately and dramatically. He became less powerful and she felt less threatened by just changing her body position. The switch in dynamics was even more strongly illuminated when she was standing up a ladder hanging Christmas decorations and her husband rushed in ready to yell at her. She said he stopped immediately and seem flustered by the situation. This time she was physically standing over him and it seemed to really throw him off. He simply turned and left the room.
Body position also comes into play in how a room is arranged. If you are a supervisor talking to an employee and you want to make them feel comfortable. Don’t sit behind a desk while they sit in front. This is creating a physical barrier between the two of you. When a counsellor is with a client, they often sit kitty-corner to each other. This creates a sense of connection and invites people to open up. Try coming out from behind the counter when helping a client or pulling your chair up beside your spouse while talking.
Position your chairs so that you can easily make eye contact.Similarly, body positioning can be used to end conversations or create a sense of power when it may not exist. This can be done by sitting behind a desk or standing higher than someone. Simply standing up during a conversation can unconsciously signal to someone else that the conversation is coming to an end.
The situation of one of my clients reflects this idea very well. She was in a verbally abusive relationship with her husband. The only time that he got madat her and was verbally abusive was when she was lying in and he was standing over her or when she was sitting on the couch and he was once again towering over her. Eventually, she realized that if she simply stood up when he started yelling, it shifted the dynamics immediately and dramatically. He became less powerful and she felt less threatened by just changing her body position. The switch in dynamics was even more strongly illuminated when she was standing up a ladder hanging Christmas decorations and her husband rushed in ready to yell at her. She said he stopped immediately and seem flustered by the situation. This time she was physically standing over him and it seemed to really throw him off. He simply turned and left the room.
Body position also comes into play in how a room is arranged. If you are a supervisor talking to an employee and you want to make them feel comfortable. Don’t sit behind a desk while they sit in front. This is creating a physical barrier between the two of you. When a counsellor is with a client, they often sit kitty-corner to each other. This creates a sense of connection and invites people to open up. Try coming out from behind the counter when helping a client or pulling your chair up beside your spouse while talking.
Position your chairs so that you can easily make eye contact.Similarly, body positioning can be used to end conversations or create a sense of power when it may not exist. This can be done by sitting behind a desk or standing higher than someone. Simply standing up during a conversation can unconsciously signal to someone else that the conversation is coming to an end.
Respecting People's Personal Space
Have you ever noticed how some people stand right up close to you when they talk to you, while others stand a lot further away? Have you watched where people sit when they come into an almost empty restaurant or movie theatre? They will often spread out and not sit near each other. The concept of personal space influences these behaviors. Personal space is the space that we need to have around us in order to feel comfortable, safe and respected. When people step over this invisible line we can feel crowded, threatened or uncomfortable.
We tend to have a smaller personal space with people whom we are closer to or more intimate with. We allow them to get closer when we interact and feel okay with this closeness. While we usually keep strangers at a greater distance (i.e. the movie theatre) until we get to know them and feel more comfortable with them.
Our personal space can also reflect our current feelings about someone or about our relationships. If we are angry with a close friend or spouse, we may increase our personal space with them until we resolve our conflict. Or when a person wants to intimidate someone they get “in their face” which translates
into crossing that invisible line and invading their personal space.
The size of our personal space can be determined by our past personal experiences, be gender-based or culturally-based. Different cultures have different sizes of personal space. When some people speak to us they stand very close because that is normal for their culture. For other people it is normal to stand much further away. Generally, people in Mediterranean countries and Latin American countries tend to be more intimate and stand closer to one another. In Northern European countries and in some places in North America, people are more reserved and tend to prefer greater personal space.
When you are communicating with someone it is important to be alert to the non-verbal cues that they are sending as to whether they are comfortable with how close you are sitting or standing in relation to them. Watch their facial expressions for discomfort. Are they freely talking with you or do they seem preoccupied or distracted? This may be a sign that they are feeling uncomfortable. Are they slowly backing away from you? Do you consciously or unconsciously keep inching toward them?
How might we let someone know if they are standing too close to us? We could slowly back-up or change where we are standing. If we are sitting we could extend our legs in a way that creates more space around us or we could verbally ask them to stand a little further away.
We tend to have a smaller personal space with people whom we are closer to or more intimate with. We allow them to get closer when we interact and feel okay with this closeness. While we usually keep strangers at a greater distance (i.e. the movie theatre) until we get to know them and feel more comfortable with them.
Our personal space can also reflect our current feelings about someone or about our relationships. If we are angry with a close friend or spouse, we may increase our personal space with them until we resolve our conflict. Or when a person wants to intimidate someone they get “in their face” which translates
into crossing that invisible line and invading their personal space.
The size of our personal space can be determined by our past personal experiences, be gender-based or culturally-based. Different cultures have different sizes of personal space. When some people speak to us they stand very close because that is normal for their culture. For other people it is normal to stand much further away. Generally, people in Mediterranean countries and Latin American countries tend to be more intimate and stand closer to one another. In Northern European countries and in some places in North America, people are more reserved and tend to prefer greater personal space.
When you are communicating with someone it is important to be alert to the non-verbal cues that they are sending as to whether they are comfortable with how close you are sitting or standing in relation to them. Watch their facial expressions for discomfort. Are they freely talking with you or do they seem preoccupied or distracted? This may be a sign that they are feeling uncomfortable. Are they slowly backing away from you? Do you consciously or unconsciously keep inching toward them?
How might we let someone know if they are standing too close to us? We could slowly back-up or change where we are standing. If we are sitting we could extend our legs in a way that creates more space around us or we could verbally ask them to stand a little further away.
Body Language and Emotions
Our true feelings come out in our body language. Others know if we are feeling resentful, angry, ashamed, happy, or scared through our facial expressions and non-verbal cues. Our emotions are produced by our self-talk in response to an event or circumstance. We talk ourselves into being angry. We talk ourselves into being scared of a person or situation. We can criticize ourselves through our self-talk and make ourselves feel embarrassed or stupid. Then our body language and other non-verbal communication are produced in response to these emotions.
Others read our emotions through our body language on an unconscious level even if verbally we are saying something else. For example, if we say yes to helping a friend move on the weekend when we really don’t want to, it will come out in our body language. It will be evident in our sighs, our lateness, our facial expressions and our whining, when we are helping them while at the same time resenting being there. We may blame our friend for us being in a situation that we don’t want to be in, but it was us who put ourselves there. I came to realize that most times that I was in a situation that I didn’t want to be in, I was the one who put me there. Getting mad or taking it out on the other person won’t change the situation. I created it and I am the only person who can change it.
Others read our emotions through our body language on an unconscious level even if verbally we are saying something else. For example, if we say yes to helping a friend move on the weekend when we really don’t want to, it will come out in our body language. It will be evident in our sighs, our lateness, our facial expressions and our whining, when we are helping them while at the same time resenting being there. We may blame our friend for us being in a situation that we don’t want to be in, but it was us who put ourselves there. I came to realize that most times that I was in a situation that I didn’t want to be in, I was the one who put me there. Getting mad or taking it out on the other person won’t change the situation. I created it and I am the only person who can change it.